Until my divorce, I had never dated black men before. Not because of any personal preference etc, but simply because none had ever asked me out. The first guy I was with when I found myself newly single was black. I think it’s safe to say 99% of the guys I’ve been out with in the past three years have been black. My friends have teased me, saying, “Once you go black, you never go back.”

They may be right.

I wouldn’t say I’d never consider dating a white guy again. I’ve been out with maybe a handful in the past few years. And if I really clicked with a guy who happened to be white, or Hispanic, or Asian, or any other non-black race, I’d certainly give him a chance. But that has yet to happen. I just find myself way more attracted to black men for a few reasons.

For one thing, they seem way more confident in their masculinity. Actually, they seem way more confident, period. When I’m at the store, or the club, or walking down the street, it’s the black men who will give me an appreciative glance as I pass by. It’s the black men who will actually ask for my number. It’s the black men who have no fear of rejection. They have no problem expressing their interest, regardless of whether I might be interested in them. I’ve been with white guys who were pretty submissive, expecting me to take the lead or make all the decisions. I’ve known plenty of white guys who told me that they once had such a crush on me. Huh? If you were interested, why the hell didn’t you speak up? I like the man to be the man. Not act like a control freak or order me around, but to take the lead.

Another thing that really appeals to me about black men is that the ones I’ve met prefer women with some curves. I grew up in white suburbia, where it was the petite, thin girls who got the guys’ attention. I’ve always been on the thick side, and I was never the girl guys chased after. I’ve been told more than once that if I’d grown up in certain other areas, I would have had guys beating down my door. But I never truly felt sexy, desirable, or totally ok the way I was, until I started dating black men. When I was married, sex was ALWAYS with the lights off. I never felt comfortable getting dressed or undressed in front of my ex-husband. But the black men I’ve been with have loved seeing me nude. Pretty much insisted on it. I never feel self-conscious or embarrassed of my chubby legs or my big behind. Rather, I feel appreciated, attractive, and beautiful in the presence of black men. Part of the reason black men are sexy is because they know exactly how to make a woman feel sexy. They see what they want and they go after it, almost in a predatory way.

My ex-husband stuck strictly to missionary with very little variety. If anything, I was very occasionally on top {meaning *maybe* once a year}, and he refused to do doggie. Like, ever. Our sex routine was just that… routine. I could set my watch to it. Few minutes of this, few minutes of that, then once he thought I was turned on enough, he’d climb on and hump away, without regard to whether I was enjoying it or not. Very rarely, I came during sex with him. But mostly, I’d wait til he went into the bathroom to clean up after he came, then I’d finish myself off. This was my sex life for YEARS. Ugh. His usual move to let me know he was in the mood was to snuggle up close and tell me I smelled good, then maybe grope me and whisper, “Am I being bad?” That ain’t sexy. AT ALL. Occasionally I would suggest different positions, and IF he actually tried it, he kept saying, “Does that feel good? Is this what you wanted?” I didn’t want to discuss it, I just wanted to frigging DO it!!

I can’t imagine any of the black men I’ve been with fumbling their way through sex that way. If we were in missionary position and they wanted me doggie style, they pretty much positioned me that way, or made it pretty clear that’s what they wanted. There was no bashful teenage-like asking what feels good or whether he can have sex with me. They just went for it. And with a few exceptions, it has been SO much better than any sex while I was married. Once, when we were still together, I told my ex-husband he had no idea if I was getting anything out of sex or not. His response? “I’m a guy, I don’t know these things.” Really? I’m pretty easy to read when it comes to sex. If I’m moving around, moaning, begging for more, digging my nails into your back, grabbing your ass to pull you closer, I’m into it. If I’m lying there, practically motionless, I’m not. Capiche?

This is somewhat secondary to the other reasons why I prefer black men, but I also like the contrast of dark skin against mine. There’s something so sexy about it. I love their thicker lips and the smoothness of their skin. I think that if I had ever dated a black guy before I met my ex-husband, I probably wouldn’t have dated him, let alone married him. Don’t get me wrong… I don’t regret marrying him. We did have some good times and because of him, I have a beautiful daughter. But he wasn’t the right guy for me. I’m only sorry it took me so damn long to figure out what it was I really wanted.