SpongeBob Part Deux: The Repeat Offender

When I mentioned some of the deadbeats I’ve encountered, I neglected to mention one of the worst. I met Donny online and we immediately hit it off. We stayed up all night on the phone one night and when we met face to face, there was instant chemistry. We met at a coffee shop and talked for a couple of hours. He was holding my hands, gazing into my eyes… It felt good to really connect with someone.

Not long after we met, I went over his house one evening. At first we were just watching TV but then started making out. One thing led to another and we ended up in bed. I didn’t want him to think this was something I did all the time, so I told him {after the fact} that sleeping with him hadn’t been my intention when I came over that night. He was put off by that, assuming that I regretted it. I guess I kind of did because I really liked him and wanted to get to know him better before hopping in the sack.

Anyway, a few days after that, he told me something got screwed up with his bank account and his internet was about to be turned off. He worked from home as a call center operator, so without internet, he couldn’t work. He didn’t directly ask for money, but strongly implied it. I didn’t offer. I didn’t know if I was being played or not but was not about to establish a pattern of paying his bills. We didn’t talk much over the next few days, and when we did, he said he needed a woman who would be there through good times and bad and accused me of jumping ship at the first sign of a problem. I told him that wasn’t the case but he stopped answering my texts. So I wished him well and stopped talking to him.

A year or so later, I was on a dating site and his profile popped up as one of my daily matches. I immediately recognized him and clicked “no.” He sent me a flirt, which I ignored, and when he sent me another flirt a couple of weeks later, I decided to respond. I asked if he remembered me, and at first I didn’t think he did, but something must have clicked, and he said he did. He said he felt bad about how things had ended between us since we had hit it off so well, and asked if he could call me. I said ok.

We started talking and it was the same instant chemistry. He didn’t mention anything about the money issue but said he had stopped talking to me after I made the comment about sex. He said he had been disappointed that I had given up on him so fast. I said that if I’m texting someone and getting no response, I’ll assume they don’t want to be bothered and I stop trying. I refuse to chase any man around for his attention. He wanted to give things another try, and I decided to give him another chance. We were getting along great, but I admit I had some reservations. For one thing, he no longer had his big flat screen TV. He claimed someone had broken into his house and taken it, but I wondered {considering his past money problems} if he had pawned it. I let it go. We never went on dates, just hung out at his place, which bothered me a little but I was kind of ok with just hanging out and watching movies etc.

There were a few red flags that caught my attention, like when we had plans one night and he suddenly said his daughter was coming over for a few days and his cousin just happened to show up needing a place to crash. I immediately wondered if he was covering his tracks so I wouldn’t show up or question seeing a strange car in his driveway. I also noticed that he was still active on the dating site. I hadn’t been on at all once we started talking, but I looked out of curiosity and saw that he had been active every day that week. When I asked him about it, he claimed he wasn’t active but was just checking messages. Ummm…and the difference would be what? My guard was up.

After a few weeks of seeing each other, I went over one day for lunch and he said the cable company had mistakenly taken out his payment twice, so he was broke until the following week. Without thinking, I said I might be able to help him out. The words were out of my mouth before I had a chance to remind myself of what happened last time, and I immediately regretted saying it. I quickly said I didn’t know what day my paycheck would go in but that I might be able to help if it went in within the next few days. He claimed he just needed it til the next Friday but I knew I would never see that money again if I did give it to him. I said that at the very least, maybe I could take him up to the grocery store to get a few things to tide him over. He said he had plenty of groceries but needed spending money to get by. Interesting… His car had broken down earlier that week so I knew he didn’t need gas money. I wasn’t about to give him cash to buy smokes. I said I’d let him know, but I wasn’t about to give him a single penny.

The whole weekend went by and I barely heard from him. On Saturday he said his daughter and some nieces and nephews were staying over and that they were having pizza and making sundaes. It sure didn’t sound like he needed cash so I didn’t bring it up. When I still didn’t hear from him by Tuesday, I texted asking why he had stopped talking to me. He said that my phone works both ways and I hadn’t called or texted much either {fair enough} and that he needed a woman who would be there through good times and bad and accused me of jumping ship at the first sign of a problem. Hmmm… That sounds familiar. Definitely seeing a pattern here. I stopped texting or calling and deleted his number from my phone. It made me wonder if our “chemistry” had just been him being a smooth talker and me being a sucker.

Lesson learned.


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